


Terminal: New Vulcan

by mariadperiad20



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Don't question it, Established Relationship, Everyone Is Gay, James T. Kirk Has Issues, M/M, Mind Meld, Mind Rape, New Vulcan, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Self-Esteem Issues, Smut, Xenophobia, space trains exist, that's the plan anyway lol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-10-01 05:15:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17238074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mariadperiad20/pseuds/mariadperiad20
Summary: Kirk visits Spock on New Vulcan. Things start out great, but with tensions high on the planet, it was only a matter of time before someone got hurt.That someone happened to be a half-Vulcan and his human boyfriend.





	1. Chapter 1

Kirk stepped off the space terminal, hearing the doors swish closed behind him. He was the only non-Vulcan there. Apparently the desert wasn't an ideal vacation spot. Well, certainly not when the planet Drokus, with its tropical climate, vast oceans, and lovely people, was only two stops away.

Kirk hoisted his pack a little higher on his shoulder, keeping a grip on the strap with one hand, running his other one through his blonde hair, which was definitely sticking up in the back. He followed the current of people walking towards the exit, trying his best not to bump into anyone.

He need hardly have worried; Vulcans all kept a foot of space between one another, and especially so for him, even in crowds. It moved methodically, and Kirk was standing outside, blinking against the bright sun, in no time at all. It was highly effecient. The point, no doubt, was exactly that, but Kirk was pleased by it nonetheless.

The red sky was somewhat disturbing at first glance for many visitors to New Vulcan, but was only a passing notice to Kirk. He was on a mission.

Well, not on a _mission_ mission, actually. Starfleet had given The Enterprise crew members a few months off before launching a new 5-year mission. Something about relaxing? It was a foreign concept to the crew, but they were all trying their best.

Tell that to Dr. McCoy, who was working out of a clinic on Tekra-4 (grumbling all the while). Kirk had suggested spending time literally anywhere else, but Bones had vehemently disagreed. For some reason the man liked to torment himself in space. Kirk was pretty sure he actually liked it, but just liked to complain even more. Of course, he couldn't go to earth to visit his daughter, but Kirk figured Bones would have reached out once Kirk stopped pestering him.

Lt. Uhura was off on some immersion trip in the Beta sector with Gaila, undoubtedly learning the native speech of some new race. Actusally, knowing Uhura, it was probably two or three languages, minimum. With Gaila there, though, Uhura might be less on top of it than she normally is, however. Kirk was a little embarassed by how long it had taken him to figure out why Uhura kept rejecting him. Well, one of the many, many, many reasons why, anyway. Kirk was still caught up on the fact that he and Spock had both been beards for Gaila and Uhura, respectively. Sometimes the universe just... works out that way.

Scotty had claimed he was going off to be drinking and partying the night away, but Kirk was positive the man was working on some new, semi-legal cloaking mechanisms. Kirk had tried to open communications one day, and the man had started shoving things off of tables and trying to block the camera with a chair. Kirk had found it funny, Scotty substantially less so. Still, Kirk had left him alone after that, lest Scotty lose his temper with him.

Kirk was no exception to the relaxation, of course. He had been elbow-deep in intergalactic negotiations with the Ferengi for the past month, trying to prevent a trade dispute from escalating into a crisis. Well, more of a crisis, actually, since there was already intense pressure from the higher command to negate the peace treaty in order to form a new one that would give Starfleet a few key trade deals, but at the consideration of possible retaliation from the Klingons that plan had died out fairly quickly. For that, Kirk was grateful. The last thing Starfleet needed was another reason to go to war.

Really, the only one who had truly taken Starfleet's relaxation message to heart was Sulu, who was spending the time with Ben. They were off on some planet sightseeing, their daughter tagging along. Supposedly the planet they were on had one of the widest range of flora known to this quadrant. Ben was prepared for Sulu's excited, and incessant, chatting about plants, but Kirk certainly wasn't, so he had carefully let them be.

Spock certainly hadn't taken advantage of leave in the way Starfleet intended, declaring that it was logical to help Sarek establish the new planet, and that such relaxation was unneccesary for Vulcans such as himself. Kirk was pretty sure he was full of it, but, when he had seen how desperate Spock had looked, he hadn't said anything. He also pretended not to notice how grateful Spock looked when he hadn't pushed him, and instead granted the leave. Kirk had hoped they could have spent the time together, as they had only recently become... well, Spock didn't use labels so Kirk wasn't going to either. Still, Kirk had hoped to spend time with the person he was now dating, anyway.

Kirk had been disappointed that Spock chose to go to New Vulcan, then felt guilty for wanting Spock to stay with him instead of helping his species recover. They had another 5 years in close proximity minimum, so surely Kirk would not be so selfish as to deny Spock the few months with his people. They would speak on the communicator regularly, both updating one another about their days. Kirk would be the one to first express a platitude of emotionality, and Spock would often respond with a scientific-sounding response of similar quality.

Kirk still felt lonely, though.

And now... Kirk hadn't seen Spock since they had embraced goodbye, before Spock had boarded a GalacTrain, and Kirk had walked back to Starfleet headquarters, three months ago. Or, as Spock would say, 2 months, 3 weeks, 1 day, 7 hours, and 19 minutes. Not that Kirk was keeping track, of course. Merely that such information would be something that Spock would have observed.

Kirk was in his Starfleet red, making him stick out even more from the dark colors of the Vulcans moving by. As if his blonde hair, pinked skin, and distinct lack of ears didn't make it clear enough to them. If they were watching him, however, they were good at concealing it, and Kirk found no reason to care anyway. He didn't care what Vulcans thought about him. He only cared about what one Vulcan thought.

Kirk didn't hesitate in walking down the sidewalk, towards the center of the city. He had memorized the path he had to take on the way there, in order to avoid the discomfort a Vulcan would feel at him dumbly asking directions. Not that Vulcans feel discomfort, of course, but just that it would interrupt their day and be a logical inconvenience, or however it needs to be justified for them.

Despite common belief, Kirk could in fact be considerate of others.

After several blocks of walking (Vulcans didn't believe individual transportation was a logical use of space), Kirk stopped next to a building with a tall, arching stone bridge crossing over his head, and waited.

Spock was going to walk by at exactly 19:08 from the Council's building, on the way to his home. Kirk checked his watch. 19:05. Of course, today might be the day Spock decides to work late, or the day a Councillor suddenly takes ill, but Kirk doubted it. If he was that unlucky, he'd be dead by now. 19:06. Vulcans moved by him seamlessly, all carrying on with their day, oblivious to the nervousness of the human standing among them.

Kirk looked up, tried to shove away the nerves he felt. Sure, he hadn't seen Spock in a while, but that was no reason to turn into a wreck about it. Well, Kirk mentally amended, when it came to Spock, feeling excited was a given. 19:07.

Kirk and Spock had already talked about Kirk visiting New Vulcan, and Spock had been appreciative of the idea, citing the need for an outsider to see New Vulcan's growth and development. That being said, Kirk hadn't actually... told Spock that he was coming here today, only that he would try to find a time to come. Kirk wanted it to be a surprise. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe Spock hated surprises. He'd never really said either way. What if Spock didn't want to see him? Kirk should probably just leave.

19:08  
Kirk saw a familiar head bobbing through the crowd, coming his way. Suddenly, the figure stuttered a step for a moment. Brown eyes looked up from the PADD his nose was buried in, and caught Kirk's face from across the plaza. His face gave nothing away, in fact seeming to pull into more of a frown than anything else.

Oh no. Kirk really should have left.

Spock walked across the plaza stiffly, and then rose his hand in greeting. "Captain. I was not expecting you." His voice was neutral, but his eyebrows were in the upset-furrow position. "Am I needed back at Starfleet?"

Kirk shook his head. "No, no, I just wanted to spend some time with you, before we had to head back. Is... is that okay?"

Spock nodded once. "It is acceptable, Captain. Would you like to accompany me to my home, so that we might sit and discuss?"

"Uh yeah. That'd be great."

Without another word, Spock began walking, Kirk speed-walking to keep pace. Once again, the Vulcans they passed studiosly ignored them, for which Kirk was grateful. He was a nervous wreck, more or less, althought hat had more to do with his crippling self-doubt than anything Spock had or hand't said. Still, Kirk could swear he felt eyes on him. Spock turned right, walked for another few blocks, and then paused in front of a house.

Spock opened the door, stepped inside, and slipped out of his shoes. Kirk followed suit, and Spock closed the door after him.

Kirk took a deep breath, "Look, Spock, I should have let you know I was coming. I didn't mean to put you on the spot or-" Kirk turned around, and felt Spock slam his lips against his own. It was rushed, desparate, screaming with need.

Kirk pushed Spock back against the now-closed door, placing one hand against it to brace himself, and the other to brush Spock's fingers with his own. Spock groaned at the contact, digging his free hand into Kirk's hair and pulling him closer still. Their bodies pressed against one another as closely as they could, linked together by their lips and hands. The only thing separating them was two layers of clothing, and Kirk was suddenly wondering why anyone really needs clothes anyway, they only get in the way.

After a few minutes, Kirk pulled back. Spock tried to pull forwards to continue the kiss, eyes dilated wide. Their hands were still linked, fingers rubbing over one another, but Spock was trying to feel up Kirk as much as possible with the other hand. Kirk muttered, "We should take this somewhere else," before allowing Spock to recapture his lips. Spock was unsurprisingly good at multitasking, and was able to guide them to his bedroom without ever breaking either points of contact. Once in the room, Kirk regretfully broke off with Spock to divest themselves of their shirts.

Spock carefully pulled them off in record time, before pressing his body flush against Kirk's. Kirk laughed lightly, "Missed me that much, huh?"

Spock's response was a whine, attempting to pull himself even closer. Kirk happily obliged, pressing Spock down onto the impeccably made bed. There, he slide a knee between Spock's thighs, making the Vulcan buck up, practically whimpering with need. Kirk slid his hands down the plane of Spock's chest and stomach, stopping at his waistband, and meeting Spock's gaze.

Spock nodded affirmation, and Kirk pulled Spock's remaining clothing away slowly, reverently. Spock's body was sculpted from marble, although, Kirk noted amusedly, was not lacking in the same way Michaelangelo's _David_ was. Kirk took his time, beginning by trailing slow kisses down Spock's neck, chest, and stomach. Spock twisted under him, eyes dilated. Kirk brushed his fingers against his own, and Spock practically convulsed.

Kirk finally reached the end of his lips' journey, directly at the base of Spock's cock. Kirk gave an experimental lick, from base to tip, watching through lidded eyes as Spock's cock jumped. It was dripping with pre-cum, and Kirk decided that that was good enough lubrication for his mouth. He wrapped his lips around it, lowering his mouth down until he felt its head touch the back of his throat. Spock groaned, grip tightening in Kirk's, other hand twisting the sheets at his side. Kirk took that as encouragement, and began to bob his head up and down, stroking his tongue across as he went.

Kirk was very, very good at his job. Within minutes, Spock was panting, and had to concentrate to prevent himself from bucking into Kirk's mouth. As it was, Spock found himself approaching the edge of pleasure at a rapid rate. Spock untangled his hand from the sheets, tapping Kirk on the shoulder, lest the man be surprised.

Kirk would have smiled if his mouth wasn't full. Spock seemingly didn't understand that Kirk wanted to _feel_ Spock's orgasm, experience it as a gift freely given. Kirk did not have long to wait for said gift.

Spock let out a breathy "Jim", body jerking up against his will, spilling into Kirk's waiting mouth. Kirk swallowed before releasing his cock, giving it one last gentle kiss on its head.

Spock, once he stopped twitching, decided to return the favor. He easily flipped the two of them, straddling Kirk's hips and leaning down to kiss him. Even through the layers of clothing, Spock could feel Kirk's erection. Spock slid his hands down Kirk's body slowly, keeping his lips on Kirk's and his legs on either side of Kirk's thighs. Spock pulled at Kirk's clothing, removing it with causal ease, never breaking the kiss once.

Kirk felt as Spock slid down Kirk's body, so that his head was between Kirk's thighs. Fingers trailed around Kirk's inner thighs, before sliding to his hips, tracing down his outer thighs so lightly he could barely feel them, and then gripping his hips tightly once more. Kirk watched as Spock's eyes zeroed in on his fully erect, and quite excited, cock, before simply swallowing it to the hilt.

If Kirk was very, very good at blowjobs, than Spock held the world record. His tongue worked carefully, hitting each and every erogenous zone every time it moved. Spock was solely focused on Kirk's pleasure, and his ministrations were proving to be quite effective. Kirk was prevented from moving his hips, as Spock's grip was proving, but Kirk nonetheless tried to inform Spock of his incoming orgasm. Spock merely continued with even more vigor, and soon Kirk felt the sensation of buzzy euphoria as Spock continued to pleasure him throughout the orgasm, stopping only when he had wrung every last drop from Kirk's cock.

Spock slid back up, tracing up Kirk's body as he did. Kirk met him in a kiss, both human and Vulcan, as their naked bodies intertwined. They were as close to one another as they could be, and Kirk would have it no other way.

God, Kirk was pretty sure he was in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My first attempt at smut. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
> 
> Feel free to comment, critique, compliment, whatever you can and want to do.
> 
> I take requests for fic prompts and whatnot, so give me an ask on my tumblr (same as my AO3 name)


	2. Chapter 2

Still, as Kirk and Spock lay in a post-sex haze, there was one thing Kirk wanted to address.

Kirk titled Spock's chin up, making eye contact with him. "Spock," He hesitated, running his tongue over his lips before speaking, "Were you... upset... to see me here?"

Spock's brows furrowed. "No, Jim. I experienced... a feeling of excitement at your being here. Was that not made clear? I can demonstrate." Spock leaned forward to try to kiss Kirk. Kirk pulled back. He wanted to have this conversation. He recognized deflection when he saw it, and knew that if he let the matter drop now, Spock would avoid it forever.

"Spock, it's just... when you saw me initially you looked, well, upset." Kirk tried to keep his voice casual, so as not to give away the nervousness dancing under his skin.

"I was not expecting you to be there. If I had, I would not have had you wait outside with the other Vulcans." Spock explained.

"You didn't want me with... other Vulcans? Spock, I swear, I would never-" Kirk began, a mixture of defensiveness and guilt manifesting. Of course Spock would think he was a cheater, everyone else thought he was a slut. Why should Spock feel any differently? Because he's Spock, his heart whispered, but Kirk shut that train of thought down fast.

Spock reached out almost instinctively, catching Kirk's hand and holding it in both of his own. Brown eyes shone up at Kirk, traces of upset in his eyes. "Of course not, Jim. You are a good man. I merely was referring to the illogical stint of xenophobia being circulated amongst my people. They fear aliens will destroy New Vulcan like they did before. My people have allowed fear to control them, claiming Surak's teaching while in fact denying its very purpose." Spock paused for a moment, grip tightening on Kirk's. "I am concerned that, should I have been delayed, and night had fallen, you could have been placed in some level of danger."

Kirk at first was relieved, then concerned. "What about the ambassadors? Are they in any danger?" Suddenly, a thought struck him, chilling him to his core. "Spock... if they don't like aliens, doesn't that put you in danger? You're half-human, and in Starfleet, and, well, with me. Doesn't that paint a target on your back?"

Spock kept his voice neutral as he spoke. "The ambassadors are not in danger, as even fearful Vulcans find logic in their safety. I am not in danger, so long as I continue to behave logically and in a Vulcan manner. Do not concern yourself, Jim. All is well."

"But, Spock, I'm here now. Isn't that... unVulcan?" Kirk sat up, looking down at him.

Spock did not respond immediately, but insistently pulled on Kirk's hand to lower him back down onto the bed.

"Do not worry, Jim. As I said, all is well."

Kirk was beginning to think maybe he did care about what other Vulcans thought. Especially if it endangered Spock.

Still, there was nothing he could do about it right now, and Spock was attempting to end the conversation through kissing. Kirk conceded, allowing Spock to tilt his head slightly as their lips joined together. Forget Starfleet. Forget the outside world, full of problems and dangers. He wanted to stay here, forever. Spock curled in his arms, legs tangled together, the slight heaving of chests pressed against one another. This felt like home.

Kirk tried to turn the kiss to something more heated, but Spock pulled back slightly. "Jim, it is rapidly approaching 05:00."

"So?" Kirk rolled his hips, and Spock, with great effort, pulled back further. "Jim, I request you abstain from further attempts at intercourse for the moment."

"Yeah, okay." Kirk sat back as Spock rose to his feet. Spock swept around the room, dressing into his impeccable clothing, placing Kirk's clothing onto the bed in front of him.

Kirk reached out, picking up his shirt. At this point, Spock was already fully dressed and slipping on his shoes. "Any reason why you're hurrying?"

"I am anticipating a visit from Ambassador Sarek at 06:00 at the Council building."

Kirk paused in pulling on his shirt, one sleeve on. "Your dad? What for?"

"He is concerned how the hostility towards nonVulcans may cause difficulties in our intergalactic relations. He has requested my presence in such discussions, due to my experience with other species and their traits." Spock responded casually as Kirk finished dressing in his uniform.

Kirk's face lit up. "I can join you!"

"I am not sure that is advisable."

"Why not? I'm not a Vulcan, and isn't that the premise for all the problems?"

Spock shook his head. "I do not want you to come to unwelcome attention."

"I'm a Starfleet Captain. I can handle some people calling me illogical. Besides," Kirk was fully ready to show his card, "As a member of Starfleet, I need to be there in order to represent its interests."

Kirk could tell Spock was not pleased with his insistence, but he merely raised an eyebrow and replied with a flat, "Very well."

A short 30 minutes later, Kirk was hurrying after Spock, hat in hand, brushing past Vulcans who passed them by. With Spock's words whispering in his head, Kirk felt uncomfortable, as if there were more people about, as if they were standing closer to him. There didn't seem to be as much space between people as there was yesterday.

Kirk mentally shook his head. He was being paranoid, letting his personal anxiety bleed into his professional life. He was a Starfleet captain. He had fought Klingons, and come out of it alive. He had no reason to be concerned over a planet of refugees.

Still, as Kirk held open the Council building for Spock, he paused and turned, back of his neck prickling. It felt like he was being watched. Casting his gaze around the plaza, he noted a few people giving cursory glances at him, but none of them were the cause of this feeling.

His eyes caught the stare of a small child, standing next to their parents, who looked away quickly and stepped forward, concealing themselves behind their parents' legs.

Of course. A child's curiosity was the same in every species. That must have been what was causing the uneasiness before.

"Captain?" Spock spoke suddenly, "You may enter the building." His tone was slightly sarcastic, and Kirk relaxed, stepping in and closing the door. He and Spock had a job to accomplish, now.

All the while, Kirk told himself that it was all fine, and there was no danger.

For Spock's sake, he would believe it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I'm bad at transitioning between scenes. (My other fics always have had some form of jump cut or something, so it's my first time really trying my hand at fluid transitions).
> 
> This chapter is shorter because I wanted to get it out sooner.


	3. Chapter 3

Kirk had always wondered what Spock would look like bored.

Sure, he had seen Spock in a variety of "moods". Disheartened, yes. Annoyed, oh certainly. Every time Bones opened his mouth, in fact. Petty, yes. Same thing with Bones, honestly, right alongside with exasperation. Satisfied, often, after a mission goes well. Curious, most definitely. Spock's curiosity was, after all, one of his many, many allures. He had seen Spock confused, upset, exhausted, that one time he was really hyper... Kirk still wasn't sure what had caused that one, and Spock certainly wasn't telling him anytime soon. Anger. Kirk didn't talk about that because Spock was embarrassed about it.

So yeah, Kirk had seen Spock in all kinds of moods. But never before had he seen Spock look as truly _inconvenienced_ as he did right now. The Vulcan speaking at the moment had been droning on and on about the different types of possible configurations of rocks for ultimate walking stability and water runoff for a good 20 minutes. Kirk had been expecting Spock to be absolutely enthralled, as was his nature, but was surprised to instead find him distracted, eyes flicking towards Sarek, as if in anticipation. It wasn't necessarily bored, but it was the closest to it Kirk had ever seen.

Sarek. The man was an enigma if Kirk had ever seen one. The man's face was so still he wasn't even blinking, and he might as well have been carved from rock for all the signals he was giving. Without the Ambassador interfering to hustle the speaker along, the man continued to speak without end.

Kirk had thought he knew what a boring conference was. Now, he was beginning to think wistfully back on being lectured by Admiral Pike, if only because he could fire back retorts in exchange. Here, he was a guest. A silent guest, specifically.

After what seemed like eons, the Vulcan sat back down, finally finished with his scientific ramblings. Sarek turned slightly, inclining his head to the rest of the group. There were 8 total, including Sarek. All were Vulcan, except, of course, Kirk himself. Sarek, the Vulcan who had been speaking, and Spock were all known quantities. The other five, however, were still mysteries. Their loyalty had to lie somewhere, and Kirk was anxious to figure each one out.

One of them wasn't even looking at Kirk at all, but was instead speaking animatedly with rock Vulcan. Probably not a concern. Two were pointedly not-looking at anything, one was looking at Spock, impassive, and the last one was watching Sarek. So half of the room could pose a problem.

Great.

Sarek tilted his hands slightly, gesturing to the Vulcan who had been watching Spock. "P'wok has brought to my attention the concern of Spock's absence from New Vulcan. State your concern."

Kirk shot a glance at Spock, who did not move, and did not meet his gaze.

P'wok got to her feet confidently, bowing slightly to Sarek before speaking. "As it is known, a vast majority of our people were killed in the death of our former planet. This is a fact. Vulcans throughout the galaxy have returned to New Vulcan, some at great personal cost, for the survival of our race. Spock, a partial Vulcan, is also responsible for the preservation of our people. He must resign from his position, just as others, including myself, have, and stay here. His knowledge of our past will help bolster our records, many of which were lost." She turned to nod her head at Spock. "It is a great personal cost, I know this, but in order to prevent our extinction, it is logical that we retain as many of our people as possible."

She sat down, folding her hands onto the table, expectant. Sarek made no comment at all, and merely sat, watching Spock.

Spock did not stand when he spoke, but his voice carried authority the same as the previous speakers. "I am a Vulcan first, member of Starfleet second."

Kirk was at this point staring at Spock openly. This was, perhaps, why Spock had not wanted him to visit. Hostilities aside, this was a request for Spock to leave Starfleet. To leave _him_.

Kirk immediately felt guilty. After all, Spock's people were endangered now, just as the Terran polar bears and Andorian monkrets had been in the past. What right did Kirk have to keep hold of Spock, selfishly, when his priority should be to his people first. It was, after all, logical to preserve his own people, as P'wok had said.

"However," Spock continued, "As our people are in dire circumstances, it is important to continue our relationship with Starfleet, in order to maintain good standing. With their support, we will have protection from enemies as we rebuild, will have access to resources to set up a functioning agricultural system, and perhaps most importantly, will continue to have allies with other species'."

The Vulcan who had been staring at Spock stood up at this point. "I disagree with your logic." One of the other Vulcans, the ones who had been ignoring everything, raised an eyebrow and looked up from their PADD briefly.

"T'jid, you may state your claim." Spock said, "Although I doubt it will prove to be sound."

T'jid raised his chin slightly. "Starfleet has not proven itself to be useful. They were illogically hesitant to act when our planet was under attack in the past, and their promises of protection were ineffective against enemies at the time. Additionally, as Vulcans, we do not require Starfleet's help managing resources. There is evidence at their inability to successfully do so. For example," here he paused, glancing at Kirk, "Tarsus IV was an unequivocal disaster at Starfleet's hands."

Kirk's blood ran cold. He tried to keep from visibly reacting, but by the way Spock's eyes flicked momentarily to him, he knew he was unsuccessful. Thankfully, as a member of Starfleet, it was justifiable that a member would react with such a strong emotion in discussing such a tragedy. No other reason would need to be considered.

T'jid continued, unaware or uncaring of Kirk's sudden discomfort. "Due to these events, it is my firm, logical conclusion that, based on Starfleet's history, it is uncharacteristic to expect their usefulness to outweigh your own, Spock."

T'jid did not sit down, but instead remained standing. Spock gave no indication of discomfort, merely the same neutral air that he wore whenever a new officer asked simple questions.

Kirk looked to Sarek, who was still impassive to the point where Kirk wondered if the man was even mediating at all, or was just straight meditating.

Heh. Wordplay.

Some of his amusement must have shown on his face, since T'jid pointedly turned to him.

"You wish to speak, human?" He asked coldly.

Kirk seized the opportunity gladly. He would not be letting Spock walk out of Starfleet without a fight.

"You can call me Captain Kirk. I represent the interests of Starfleet in this matter. It is our opinion that Commander Spock remain at his current position, as he is an invaluable crew member, as are all Vulcans. The needs of New Vulcan can and will be met by Starfleet to the best of our ability, and that can be best accomplished with Spock's insight and continuation of being on the Starship Enterprise."

"If he is so invaluable, why do you place him on a starship that risks confronting hostiles? If you seek his knowledge, he should remain on Vulcan. If you desire his strength, find a Klingon instead. His intellect? Granted, that would be difficult to replace, but several humans could most likely make up the difference. What value does Spock give to your ship that cannot be adequately met for the purpose of New Vulcan's needs? Is it emotional value, for you? A sentimentalism?" T'jid leaned forward, face impassive but eyes sparking with barely concealed anger. "What does this Vulcan mean to you that you would disrespect the wishes of a planet to keep him by your side like a dog?"

"A _what?_ " Kirk slammed his hands onto the table, leaning sharply forward. "That is the single most-"

Sarek spoke. "Captain, T'jid, be seated." He looked to Spock. "Do you have any additional statement?"

Spock shook his head, "No".

"Very well." Sarek stood up, robes falling into place perfectly. "In regards to the rock pathway alterations, begin in the residential areas with option 28-J, and in the business sectors with 28-C. The gradient difference should prove invaluable to preventing the additional water runoff from damaging any buildings."

The rock Vulcan nodded exuberantly, along with one another. The two nameless Vulcans merely stared at their PADDs.

"In regards to Spock's Starfleet order, as is the tradition of Surak, the individual must find the logic within oneself. Whatever Spock decides will be logical for him, and will be respected."

"But-!" T'jid interjected.

"That is my statement, T'jid. Do you wish to challenge me on it?" Sarek's voice did not change.

"No, Ambassador." T'jid replied, "Your logic is, as always, sound."

Kirk turned to look at Spock. He was sitting up straight in his chair, as he was before, but he certainly did not look bored now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment, critique, compliment, whatever you want.
> 
> As always, feel free to send me a fic prompt.


	4. Chapter 4

"Spock."

Kirk hurried after Spock, barely keeping up with his long strides without having to run as he walked through hallway after hallway.

"Spock."

A few Vulcans turn their heads to observe the pair, carefully blank expressions not quite concealing their disdain. Spock's gait only seemed to gain speed, moving through the flock of people effortlessly as Kirk dodged people behind him.

"Spock!" Kirk grabbed Spock's wrist.

Spock spun around sharply, pulling his wrist from Kirk's grip. His eyes flashed with barely concealed anger, and Kirk instinctively stepped back, bumping into a Vulcan carrying a stack of papers.

The Vulcan in question moved quickly away from Kirk, grimacing momentarily at the sudden, unwelcome contact with a human. A few of his papers fell, and he got down to pick them up. Kirk bent down to help, but the Vulcan snapped, "Do not touch these."

Kirk pulled his hand back, apologizing. The Vulcan glared at him, in that neutral way Vulcans did, scooped up his papers, and strode off.

Kirk glanced around, but Spock was gone. Vanished down some corridor in this maze of a building. They needed some signage or _something_ for foreigners. Or, maybe it was confusing for that exact reason.

"There is no logic in a human being here. Starfleet should have been considerate of our well-being when Vulcan was still intact, and prevented its destruction."

It was the male Vulcan, T'jid, from the meeting earlier. He was also doing the neutral-glare face, and seemed to be sparking a bit of a reaction among the other Vulcans that had gathered. For data purposes, of course. Not curiosity. Most of them were watching impassively, but Kirk noticed a few who gave slight nods of agreement, or stood uncomfortably on the sidelines of the whole thing.

"One who does not understand our culture should not participate in it." T'jid continued.

Kirk stiffened, and turned to more directly face him on.

"How can you say that? What is the value of a culture if it is hoarded, sealed and hidden away from outsiders? Is the joy of a society not to embrace other societies? Your culture prided itself on expanding its knowledge. You cannot know reject that, that foundation of your society. The pursuit of knowledge is drives your culture to exist!"

"Yes. It is." T'jid's mouth twitched into a frown. "We are pursuing the knowledge that we have lost in the destruction of Vulcan. We cannot begin to look outwards until after we have recovered what we have lost within."

"Starfleet-"

"Starfleet is an obstacle to our culture's continued existence, human. Any Starfleet officer who would risk negatively impacting what remains of Vulcans must not be allowed to remain in allegiance with us. Following that point to its logical conclusion, I would ask you this: are you intending to be an obstacle?"

Kirk bristled. "Is that a threat?"

"I am a Vulcan. I do not make threats."

Kirk opened his mouth to retort, when another Vulcan stepped between the two. Kirk did not recognize her, although she apparently recognized both of them just fine.

"T'jid, it is highly illogical of you to discuss these matters here. These hallways are designed for transportation, and are not adequately spacious to accommodate your style of confrontation."

She turned sharply to Kirk. "You should not be here, Captain. These buildings contain sensitive information regarding Vulcans that are not available to outsiders. Return to the location where you were earlier, and remain there, so as to refrain from disrupting efficiency ratings."

Kirk was shooed down a hall, and soon enough was standing outside the doors he had just entered earlier that day.

Life sure had a way of getting more and more complicated. God, Kirk was starting to wish he had just taken a goddamn vacation. So many beautiful resort planets, full of busty women and brawny men, all eager to get into the pants of _"the youngest Starfleet Captain ever given a ship"_. He could be drinking right now. Did Vulcans even drink?

Now that he thought about it, probably not. Wouldn't want to risk all those pesky emotions. Although, considering the blatant xenophobia on display in the boardroom and the hallway, some Vulcans didn't need alcohol to be petty.

As Kirk returned to Spock's home, disappointed and concerned, he swore he felt someone following him. When he turned around, however, there was no one except the normal throng of Vulcans going about their lives. Still, Kirk felt uneasy. He wished Vulcans would put locks on their doors, honestly. Even if it was "illogical", it was still unsettling to be able to just... walk into whoever's home he chose.

Or, more concernedly, anyone could walk into Spock's.

Kirk paced around Spock's house for a while, read part of a book, paced around some more, and finished his book. Now, he was pacing again.

It was 19:09, meaning Spock should be returning home soon. Kirk, for one, was impatient. He had to convince Spock not to leave Starfleet. If Vulcans distanced themselves from Starfleet, the Romulans would be more than happy to exploit that weakness in order to bring down the United Federation. Hell, even take over New Vulcan! While technically Romulans were supposed to be as logical as Vulcans, their ability to hold grudges surpassed even the Klingons.

Kirk heard the doorknob turn, and swiveled around. Spock had barely taken off his shoes before Kirk was speaking, rapidly, frantically. "You can't leave Starfleet. It's-"

"I know, Jim." Spock removed his jacket, hanging it on the wall. "I have considered the options in a logical fashion, and have reached a conclusion."

"And does your logical conclusion meet your... emotional one?" Kirk asked hesitantly, stepping forward.

Spock looked up indignantly, about to refute, but stopped when he saw Kirk's face. Instead, he merely looked away, busying himself with a tea kettle. Kirk frowned, following Spock.

"Spock. Tell me. What have you decided to do?" Kirk was trying, and definitely failing, to hide his growing anxiety.

"Not now, Jim. I do not wish for-"

"Don't make me make it an order, Commander."

Spock stopped, turning to face Kirk. He sighed, folding his hands behind his back.

"Captain, I have decided to remain on New Vulcan. I cannot guarantee the length of time, or if and when I return to Starfleet Command. I can, however, assure Starfleet that I will be doing my best to maintain a beneficial relationship between Vulcans and the United Federation."

"Spock" You can't-"

"I can, Captain. And I have made my decision. I must place the priority of my species' survival above any... personal motivations." Spock's face softened nearly imperceptibly. "I am not asking your permission, Captain. I am asking your forgiveness."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hghhh comment and stuff. You already know.


	5. Chapter 5

"So, what? That's it? You're just going along with T'jid and all those other bastards? You really think Starfleet is at fault for what happened to Vulcan?" Kirk's anger flared. "What happened to Tarsus?"

"I did not say that."

"It doesn't matter if you said it or not, Spock! You picked the side of people who blame Starfleet for everything that's gone wrong in the galaxy! They don't want there to be a "beneficial relationship" with us, they want to be isolationists!" Kirk jabbed his finger at Spock. "And now, you want to abandon your beliefs, abandon your home, abandon me, just so you can play fetch for a bunch of Vulcans who hate you for being a half-breed anyway!"

Spock's eyes flashed. "Hate is a human emotion, Kirk. As is abandonment. I find your logic faulty, and believe that we should cease these matters for now, so that we may partake of one another's company until it is time to go our separate ways."

"So that's it? You want to roll in the sheets and then ditch? Is that what you want?"

"What I 'want' is not relevant, Jim. We all have duties that we must perform." Spock hesitated. "However, I do... want... to spend some time with you before you must return to Starfleet."

"Alone."

"Yes."

Kirk stared at Spock, and Spock stared impassively back. Fine. If Spock wanted him to leave, he would, but not before giving Spock something to remember him by. A night so wild, so intense, that Spock would never find anything as good.

Kirk had meant to have sex. He really, really had. But in the end, they just sat there on the bed, holding hands and talking about pointless, stupid things. Kirk would reminisce stories about the two of them, and Spock would add his thoughts, and occasionally a dry comment or two.

Kirk told Spock that he would miss him, that he lo- appreciated who Spock was, that Spock was always there for him, that he wished that it didn't have to be this way. Spock was less emotional, but no less passionate, telling Kirk that he respected him, that he was an exemplary Captain, on and on as the sun went down and the moon rose in the sky.

At some point, Kirk nodded off, Spock's voice smooth and quiet, a constant, warm humming in his mind. They had never mind-melded in an official way, but their bond between them was always there. It had been the one to let Spock know when Kirk inevitably got kidnapped on away missions, or when Spock was injured rescuing him on said away missions.

It was just a part of their lives. Kirk wondered if it would still be there after he left New Vulcan, or if Spock would close it off. He guessed he would find out soon enough.

It hadn't exactly been the night of love-making that Kirk or Spock had been expecting, but it was a night to remember all the same.

Kirk would miss Spock. Miss his intelligence, his personality, his continuous harassment of McCoy, all of it. He would even miss the unbearable arguments the two of them would have, which could go on for weeks because Spock was always right and Kirk was always stubborn.

Kirk was standing in the space terminal. He and Spock had already said their goodbyes, there was no point in drawing it out in front of all of these people. Kirk had wanted their last few moments together to be perfect, to be just the two of them.

So, he entered the terminal alone, bag over his shoulder, PADD in hand, typing away to inform Starfleet to prepare for Spock's resignation letter. Man, he pitied the person who'd have to read through that, Kirk thought with a grin.

Oh, wait. That would be him, wouldn't it? Kirk's smile slipped from his face.

As Kirk walked through, he heard someone call out, "Hey, Starfleet!"

He turned around, seeing a tall woman in very imposing formal wear approaching him. She looked... well, she looked angry, in the Vulcan way, taking long strides and with her face set in stone.

"Yes?" He asked carefully, switching his bag to his left shoulder, and tucking the PADD into the side pocket. Just as a precaution.

"Your species always has been illogical, but you have proven yourself to be even more so than I thought capable."

Kirk frowned. "Hey, look, I'm leaving, okay? If you have a problem, take it up with Starfleet. Not me."

"I have a problem, which is that you-" She was cut off by someone else.

"Starfleet did what they could. It is not improbable that their failure was inevitable, but to blame them is illogical."

"You call _me_ illogical, D'ka? After all that they have done?"

The two began 'debating', which in Kirk's opinion looked more like arguing than anything else. He inched back out of the sightlines, and started heading for the train again. A hand on his shoulder stopped him. Kirk turned around fast, whipping his head to see who it was.

T'jid. Of course.

Wait, not of course. What was he doing here?

"You have been causing us many problems, Captain."

"Yeah, well, like I said, I'm heading out so you don't have to worry about it anymore." Somehow, this felt like dangerous territory, and Kirk's adrenaline was starting to kick in.

"Yes, actually, I think I do." T'jid's face was friendly, but the grip on Kirk's shoulder was tight. "I heard a rumor that you are... corrupting... one of our people."

"Corrupting?" Kirk repeated, dumbfounded. He thought Vulcans were past the whole heterosexuality thing.

"Is it true? You mind-melded with a Vulcan?" T'jid hissed, "With Spock?"

Oh, right. That was... wait what?

"I never mind-melded with Spock." At T'jid's face, he exposited. "I mean, we dated, but we never... it wasn't what we wanted."

"Liar."

Kirk tried to shrug himself out of T'jid's grip, feeling his blood run cold when he was unable to. This was looking to be a bad situation all around. His finger thumbed at his PADD, trying to type out an SOS message.

T'jid noticed, because of course he did, and frowned. "You understand that this is not personal. We cannot allow our Vulcan lifeblood to be tainted any more than it already has. We must ensure that our species flourishes. Without Starfleet interference."

"I think maybe you should ask Sarek before making those claims, right T'jid?" Kirk said the name loudly, hoping to catch someone's attention.

"Sarek is delusional. And I will prove to him the soundness of my logic."

T'jid's fingers slipped higher on Kirk's shoulder, pinching on the juncture between his neck. Kirk didn't even have time to react as his body went absolutely, totally limp.

His last thought was panicked, of if they were going to go after Spock, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and sleep are both appreciated. And I'm definitely not getting any sleep so...


	6. Chapter 6

Kirk grinned. "You should have killed me when you had the chance."

T'jid looked bored.

"We've gone over this three times already. Repitition is unnecessary and highly illogical. You have also tried to escape a total of seven times."

"Well, 8th time's the charm." Kirk replied, before throwing himself towards the force field blocking him inside the room. He was tossed back from the force, landing hard on the ground.

T'jid took a long-suffering breath, and then reiterated, again. "We are not going to kill you. That is not in the interests of New Vulcan. We want to _erase_ your existence in relation to New Vulcan."

Kirk remained silent, merely getting to his feet.

T'jid's eye twitched slightly. "Would you have better comprehension if I made a slide presentation?"

"Starfleet has records of my being here. I cannot be so easily destroyed."

T'jid shook his head. "I told you! We are- forget it. Your human mind cannot understand basic statements. Let alone cope with the majesty of a bond with a Vulcan. Even a half-breed's."

Kirk surged forward. "Spock's not a-!"

"Yes he is!" T'jid spat back, eyes flaring dangerously. He paused, taking a breath, his features smoothing down. "Irrelevant. I do not need your cooperation. The Mind Sifter will work either way."

Kirk froze. "Mind Sifter?"

T'jid looked satisfied. "Perhaps it would have been more logical to lead with that, then."

"That's Klingon technology! For being an isolationist, you sure are accepting a lot of help from other species."

"Do not demean me. I am a Vulcan. The creators are Klingon. Is it difficult to believe that I would be able to replicate such a device?"

Kirk considered how he was going to speak carefully. "Vulcans consider invasion of the mind a great crime. Creating one of those devices is a war crime. It's the antithesis of everything your people have ever stood for!"

"It is the cost of salvation. And I am willing to make you the one who pays it."

T'jid did some more monologuing, Kirk did some more of his "righteous retorts", as Uhura had named them, and nothing changed. T'jid was going to wipe his mind if he didn't escape.

So, Kirk did just that. 9th time's the charm, right?

 

Or maybe not, Kirk reflected ruefully as he woke up strapped to a device that looked suspiciously similar to the one that shows up in every handbook in Starfleet.

T'jid, to his credit, was surprisingly not afraid to get his hands dirty, unlike most people Kirk went up against. They normally liked to have their underlings do all the damage.

Still, Kirk knew that after this, he might not go up against anyone else again.

Everyone in Starfleet knew that once the bad guy gets in your head, they don't come out.

T'jid was leaning forward next to Kirk, adjusting a few wires. Kirk bucked his head up, hitting him hard in the face. There was a cracking sound, and T'jid took several steps back, hand going up to his nose. His hand came away dripping green, and Kirk felt odd satisfaction at that.

Even if he lost everything here, his last memory would be of victory.

Spock... right. His last memory should be of Spock, not some ego-boosting crunch of bone.

Which memory does he pick? There's so many to choose from, he couldn't possibly decide. Instead, Kirk focused on how Spock made him feel.

As T'jid flipped a switch, and a machine whirred to life above him, Kirk focused hard on Spock. Spock made him happy. Made him excited. Made him feel... loved.

And as light exploded in Kirk's vision, and his mouth ripped open to let out an involuntary scream, he focused as hard as he could on Spock, on Sp- on... on... What was his name? Kirk couldn't remember his name. The Vulcan. His name. It was... it was...

The name didn't matter. He made Kirk feel...

The name felt on the tip of Kirk's tongue, but it slipped away. He was left grasping at memories, trying to catch a moment that he knew, that he could think of. Moments of raised eyebrows and arguing and touching fingers flitted by, but they were instantly swallowed away and destroyed. Wait, what about the arguing? All Kirk remembered was arguing with McCoy. Girls' eyebrows bold and thick. Fingers grasping at the console as a Klingon warship phaser blasted the side of the ship.

There was nothing else. There was a faint sense of loss, of something missing. It ticked at the back of his mind, but vanished every time Kirk tried to focus on it.

What was he missing? What was out of place?

There was nothing missing. Nothing at all. Everything is ordered in his mind exactly as it should be. As it always was.

The light faded, a pain Kirk hadn't even noticed faded away. Why was he in pain?

There was no pain.

 

Kirk pried his eyes open, blinking a few times. He was sitting in a space train, PADD in his hand, bag at his feet. He was departing from New Vulcan, preparing to return to Starfleet as the end of his vacation. He must have dozed off.

Why had Kirk been in New Vulcan? He had no reason to be there.

Oh, right. It was a layover from the tourist island of G'wic. He had had a most... enjoyable stay, he remembered now. Very unproductive, that was for sure. He must have a thousand messages waiting for him, now.

Kirk tapped on his PADD, opening it up.

Huh. Strange. He had already responded to most of the messages after all.

Oh, that's right. He had done some work after his encounter with the lovely woman from the Delta region. What was her name? Kirk couldn't remember.

A few messages were listed as unsent. Kirk must have not finished them.

He opened them one by one, completing and sending them. He had to review a lot of what the messages were talking about, since he seemed to have forgotten them.

Damn. Kirk reminded himself to let Scotty know how great the booze is on G'wic. With a hangover like this, it was no wonder the place was so popular.

One message, however, the last one, gave him pause. It wasn't addressed to anyone in particular, and merely said, "Danger- T'jid after Spock New Vulcan urgen"

Half of that wasn't even english. Kirk frowned, hovering his finger over the delete button. It didn't make sense. Kirk had never set foot on New Vulcan before in his life. And he had no idea who T'jid was, or who S... Sp... huh. Kirk couldn't even read that name. His brain seemed to just skip over it every time.

This wasn't important. He should delete it.

Kirk didn't. He could worry about it later. He turned of his PADD, and went to put it in his bag. He paused.

All of his clothes were wrong. He was wearing his Starfleet red now, of course, but the clothes in the bag were not his. All of them were made out of tikra cloth, and that gave him hives. He would never wear it.

Something was wrong?

No. He must have switched bags with someone by accident.

The bag has the Starfleet insignia on it, and his initials.

Another person must have been there.

His ship was the only one on extended leave, though. And he hadn't seen anyone there.

It is someone else's bag. He is just confused.

No. No he's not confused. Something is wrong.

Everything is fine.

Kirk stood up, ignoring the glances of the people around him, and made to leave the train. An attendant, an androgynous alien with hair made of glass, stopped him, holding out a hand. "Please, Captain, we are about to leave for Starbase 327. We request that you return to your seat."

"Yes. I mean no! I would like to return-go-never mind-I..." Kirk's head hurt. He should just sit down, and sleep off this hangover.

No. No. He had to go to New Vulcan. Something was wrong.

"I need to go to New Vulcan."

"You cannot-"

"I have a... priority message from Starfleet." Kirk interrupted, lying through his teeth. "I'm afraid I must exit immediately."

The attendant frowned, but stepped aside. "Very well, Captain. We will not be able to refund your ticket."

"Fine. Fine. Whatever." Kirk grabbed his bag, practically dragging himself out of the train. Every step he took towards the exit he reminded himself that he should not be there, he should be going back to Starfleet, he could get in trouble for this, why was he going back, he should stay on the train and get some rest.

Kirk thought of the unsent email. S... Sp.... Sp.... Someone had done something to him, and he was going to figure out who, and what.

Nothing had been done to him. He was fine.

Somehow, that thought felt dangerous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comment perhaps?


	7. NOT abandoning

Ok so don't worry, I will finish this fic. I am just having some _difficulties_ with my muse, and it's become difficult to get chapters done. It will happen, it just might be some delay until some things die down and I have time to really take a crack at it.

Sorry for the inconvenience. I should have the next chapter up once I, you know, have something to write.


End file.
